"And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed. And out of the ground made the Lord God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. ~Genesis 2: 8, 9, 15

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Age of Accountability

We are responsible for our own learning. 

What does it mean to be responsible?
And, more importantly, what is the relationship between responsibility and accountability?

The word responsible comes from the French word "respondere" which means to pledge again, or renew a relationship with another. late 16th century (in the sense ‘answering to, corresponding’): from obsolete French, from Latin respons- ‘answered, offered in return,’ from the verb respondere (see respond).

The word "accountable" means to be answerable for your actions regarding a specific stewardship that you are both capable of accomplishing and given the authority to accomplish it by the person who gave you the task. Accountable suggests imminence of retribution for unfulfilled trust or violated obligation. The parable of the talents and many other parables taught by Jesus Christ teach the principle of being held accountable for specific stewardships and the consequences reaped.

Accountability is built in stages according to the abilities and attitude of the learner. Children are
innocent who have not yet become accountable.

Stages of Accountability

0. Ignorance
This stage of responsibility is the complete lack of any knowledge concerning the laws and principles involved. This is the stage of the infant. They live in the present, with no concept of connection between action and consequence. "They did suppose that whatsoever they did was right." (Alma 18:4-6)

1. First Observe 
This stage of responsibility is marked by a growing awareness of the possibility of a law. Following divine laws leads to the blessings.
Gravity is one such eternal law. And although it frustrates parents greatly, the act of continuously dropping things off the high chair is really a testing ground for this level of awareness. This is the stage of drop it on the floor a billion times to ensure gravity is fully in place. In the realm of chores, this is the noticing that mom does something besides attend to my needs all the time. It also includes watching the mother while she works. A wise mother will do chores in front of her children, occasionally explaining the purpose of her actions: For example a caretaker could say while she is scrubbing the table: "I wash the table after dinner to clean up all the sticky spots and spills so that we can do our homework at the table and not get the paper messy. I like the look of a clean table. It invites me to do things like make cookies or get out the paints." For this purpose, I recommend that new parents use the child's naptime for their own rest, or to do those tasks that are reading-heavy (like paying bills) or are done on the computer. "Be active when the child is active, and rest when the child is resting but that's a post for another day.
At this stage, a child is accountable only for paying attention- or watching the task to be learned. You can test their knowledge by asking them questions or inviting them to move to the next stage.
"And it shall be our righteousness, if we observe to do all these commandments before the Lord our God, as he hath commanded us." (Deuteronomy 6:25), see also Alma 31:9-11


2. Walk Beside Me (An invitation to Serve & Remember)
This stage is the stage of imitation. Any attempt to perform the task will be rewarded. As children grow in their abilities, the effort required to successfully complete the task will diminish. Maria Montessori and many other childhood educators call this the "hand over hand" stage. Others call it "scaffolding" a task. This is where the real nitty-gritty training happens- it the most time-intensive and energy-intestive part of training, and thus, where most people just give up. I've learned though, as a mother and a teacher, that the effort and time it takes to progress through this stage of learning is a blessing- for this is also the stage that includes the most "misbehavior". Most "misbehavior" is a child's way of communicating, "This is too hard for me to do by myself! I'll do something else instead." If you give your attention to them and praise their every attempt as you guide and refine their skills, they have no reason to misbehave (and for a toddler, they will love to be in your presence "helping you" instead of drawing on the walls in the hallway). Remember the attention span of children is variable, so learn how to redirect their attention or give alternate tasks that they can do independently "I still need to finish folding the laundry, would you like to watch and help me, or do you want to show me how you play with (name a toy) while I finish?" "I'm still making dinner. Would you like to play with the playdoh while I finish making dinner?" If  possible, keep them in the same room as you while you work, or move your work to where they are.
At this stage, a child is accountable for the effort they put into attempting the task, regardless of whether they actually accomplish the task. Thank them for their effort, and if it really matters to you or is a matter of necessity (like finishing chopping the potatoes for dinner) revert to stage one while you complete the task.
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)  See also Deuteronomy 6:7

3. Keep (I can choose for myself- consequences have more effect)
After children gain confidence in performing tasks alongside mom, there will come a time to test the trust waters. This is the time when the child is given a short task that they have been able to do successfully with you many, many times. You stand back and watch, offering encouragement and answering all of their questions. Often, you will break the task into smaller pieces, giving them one step at a time. This is the novice stage.

This is the age of making mistakes.
Mistakes are often made because either
a) our skill and ability have not yet been perfected (watch a child try to carry a heavy water bucket without spilling or Nailed it Pinterest fails or Kids doing chores)
b) we got confused about the purpose of our task (but I did clean it up Mom! The floor is clean! I put all the stuff into the closet and closed the door! What do you mean the goal was to put things back in their proper places? )
c) we are distracted by something or someone else. (Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.)

Humor is the key to surviving and thriving through this stage. In my house, we've learned to pray for how we can turn a mistake into a miracle. Sometimes we can fix it, sometimes we just laugh and let the failed attempt go.
"Mistakes help me learn and grow." - Suzanne Tucker, Generation Mindful (She has the greatest resources for navigating through this emotionally volatile stage- both as parents and as children- go check it out!)
"Come what may, and Love it." - Elder Joseph B Wirthlin, 2008
The words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do, 2 Ne. 32:3.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, Ps. 119:105.
"But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works." - 2 Timothy 3:14-16

4. Covenant
 This stage is arriving at full accountability for the results of their choices.
This stage is further broken down into levels of competence: novice, apprentice and journeyman.
This is when your test as the teacher comes, because this is when you shift the responsibility to them. You must be brave enough to allow them to fail. Stephen R. Covey illustrates this level beautifully in a story he calls "Clean and Green". As we gain experience, we become more competent. A good goal for this stage is to value "effectiveness" over "efficiency." A novice will take more time to complete the same task as a journeyman would. Their work will not be as "good" or perfected, but if they have done the task to the best of their abilities and learned how to improve their next attempt, they have been successful. Keep in mind that after major changes and upheavals, the level of competence will reset to a previous stage. (This is why many children regress after mom brings home a new baby, or the family moves, or they start school). Tasks that children have mastered will remain, but skills that were still in progress will be lost for a time.
At this stage, a child is accountable for their choice to be responsible and for reporting to you the effects of their attempts. They are not yet accountable for the perfect completion of the task, only for reporting their attempts, both successful and messy.
Repentance (look for more posts on this)
Return and Receive, M. Russell Ballard
"Be ye therefore perfected" Matthew 5
"Then said Jesus unto them, I will ask you one thing; Is it lawful on the sabbath days to do good, or to do evil? to save life, or to destroy it?" Luke 6

5. Master
In a master's hands, the task looks easy, almost effortless. The movements are perfectly refined and efficient. All energy that is poured into the task is retained in the finished product.
The real task of a master is to pass their learning on to others. And that is where the beginning of patience comes in- for it is harder to teach someone when they cannot see your struggle.
"You cannot teach anything but what you yourself know and are."
The Master's Touch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTsjZ_DKtp8
Teaching in the Savior's Way: https://www.lds.org/callings/teachers?lang=eng

 http://www.pbs.org/parents/expert-tips-advice/2015/07/helping-toddlers-expand-language-skills/
https://www.todaysparent.com/toddler/toddler-development/ways-your-toddler-can-help-in-the-kitchen/
https://handsonaswegrow.com/toddler-talk-helping/
https://www.thispilgrimlife.com/teaching-knife-skills-to-kids-when-what-how/ 
https://momtessorilife.com

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